4.18.2012

Gone


It's so hard for me to find the words to write to tell you about why I've not been blogging. So hard to even begin to relay what devastation we've been going through. And yet. Not writing about it, doesn't it make it less real.

Over a month ago, Brandon's mom - my beautiful, amazing, dream of a mother-in-law, was taken from us very suddenly as a result of a heart attack. It was just one artery, and she was such a healthy, vibrant person, and although the stint the doctors placed on a Friday morning after the attack worked great and we thought the whole thing was crazy - we fully expected her to heal right up. But she didn't. One minute she was talking to Brandon in the hospital room and 10 seconds later she was gone. Just gone. Gone.

I can't even begin to tell you what a huge part of our lives she was - no, my words can't even do it justice. She was such a perfect example of a wife, a mother, a friend - and she loved my children as much as I do. Really, she loved them as if they were her own children. And all of us, too. Her love was unconditional and always there like a safety net, a safe place to fall. She was the most gracious, warm conversationalist, but also funny. So, so funny. She was very much like a best friend to me and I miss her to the depth of my being.

She loved this blog, and always encouraged me to write it. And since life still doesn't feel very blog-worthy right now,  I hope you'll be patient with me as I find my way back to this space.

Somehow Brandon found the strength to read the following letter at her funeral. It was written by her to her incredible group of girl friends - The Ya Ya's - on her 60th Birthday this past October. I leave this with you as a reminder to count your own blessings and hug the ones you love.


Dear 60,

Well, hello 60.  I've been dreading, expecting/pondering you!
Now that you arrived, you really aren't so bad.
I have more blessings than I can count--
 
My faith in God and His plan for me
My husband that I've been in love with for about 45 years--really 45?
My beautiful son and daughter
My wonderful daughter-in-love
My Grant and Harper
My family and friends, too numerous to count
My 11 very special soulmates--all of whom I support, respect and LOVE so dearly!
My deep wrinkles, all from laughing--now that's not the fine lines,mind you
My sprinkling (?) of grey hair--that sometimes blends with the highlighting
My extra rolls/arm flaps from always having enough food
My bunions from being able to walk and dance and shop? hmm on the shopping
My brown age spots that prove I've had some fun in the sun
My letting go of all the mindless worry in which I invested way too much of the 60 yrs.
My memories of well...just endless memories, some so private, some shared, some humorous, some heartwrenching--but all part of the plan.

Thanks for all the birthday calls, cards, emails and wishes.

In return, I wish you all:

Many more
--wrinkles to make
--laughs to laugh
--dances to dance
--hugs to hug
--prayers to pray

Love to all,
Joan

2 comments:

  1. True...all so very true! She adored you ALL! She is missed so very much by so many...

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  2. I don't even know what to say... I am so, so sorry for all of you.

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